Rest isn’t merely about pausing activities; it's an inward journey, a deep dive into self-awareness. It’s the key to seeing beyond the surface—if we allow ourselves the time to truly rest.
As Ashley Neese insightfully puts it, "Rest gifts us with new perspectives and invites us to embrace different ways of being in the world.”
A Lesson from the Past
When I was around sixteen, my dad and I were driving down Main Street in our small town one afternoon. As he glanced out the passenger window, he noticed a man on an afternoon run. For many, this might be a fleeting observation, but for my dad, it was perplexing.
He turned to me and asked, “What do you think he’s doing?” To my dad, someone enjoying themselves in the middle of the day was baffling. This moment marked the beginning of my understanding of how deeply intertwined my views on rest, productivity, and self-worth were.
The Burden of Productivity
My father’s life was all about work. Even after multiple heart attacks this past year, he still scoffs at the idea of rest. For him, work was an escape from a troubled childhood and my mother’s constant nagging. It was where he felt he was enough. Growing up in this environment, I internalized the belief that productivity equaled worth. I felt valued only when I was busy and achieving.
Unconsciously, I adopted the mindset that if I wasn’t productive, I wasn’t worthy. I always felt rushed and chaotic, as if there was never enough time.
The Cycle of Urgency
For years, I lived in a state of urgency, trapped in a cycle that deprived me of the rest and renewal I desperately needed. I believed that if I wasn’t constantly producing or hustling, I would fall behind. These were my Conditions of Worth, or COWs. I felt like everyone depended on me, and if I didn’t perform, I wasn’t ‘good.’
This constant pressure kept my nervous system on high alert, making rest seem impossible. Between adrenal fatigue, anxiety, and exhaustion, I eventually had to accept that rest might be the remedy I needed.
The Resistance to Rest
Despite exploring various healing modalities, I resisted rest. I believed that rest was wrong and that to be good, I had to keep pushing myself. Rest felt like disobedience. Maybe you can relate to this. You know you need rest, but you've been taught that it makes you useless.
In a world that values speed, productivity, and competition, slowing down can feel counterintuitive. But recognizing and confronting our COWs can be transformative. Your COWs might include thoughts like:
- “I don’t have time to rest.”
- “It’s selfish to prioritize resting.”
- “Rest has to look a certain way.”
- “I need to finish everything before I can rest.”
- “I’m not good at resting.”
- “I’ll rest once my to-do list is done.”
Ask yourself: What was I taught about rest? What do I believe about rest? Who modeled self-care or rest for me? What messages did I receive about the value of rest? Understanding these beliefs can lead to greater self-awareness and healing.
The Power of Rest
When we’re unaware of our COWs, our choices around rest are limited by our beliefs, making it difficult to embrace rest fully. Examining these beliefs can empower us to find a better rhythm in our lives. Rest is as essential as water. When we’re dehydrated, we suffer. The same goes for being unrested.
We don’t have to default to urgency. We can choose differently and untangle ourselves from the faulty programming about rest. We can learn to slow down, embrace presence, and truly rest.
Embracing the Gifts of Rest
Rest doesn’t come easily for me either. Sometimes, I fight it, wanting to accomplish tasks quickly. The rush of adrenaline feels normal, but I know deep down that urgency isn’t sustainable.
Urgency often stems from a desire to be seen as worthy and enough. Yet, softness, slowness, and presence are the true gifts that rest offers. Life moves quickly, and when we’re unrested, we miss so much.
I invite you to explore your relationship with rest. It might seem simple, but it's some of the deepest and most rewarding work you'll ever do.
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